Money dysmorphia refers to a familiar struggle that many of us experience in our comparison-driven society. Just as body dysmorphia distorts our perceptions of self-image, money dysmorphia involves a skewed view of our financial realities. This struggle can manifest as feelings of inadequacy, stress, or unhealthy spending habits, leading to either inaction or fear-based decision-making. While it can ultimately affect anyone, millennials and Gen Z often experience it to a higher degree due to their life stage and exposure to social media.
If you’ve ever questioned your financial self-worth or felt pressured to keep up with others, you’re definitely not alone! The good news is, we can learn to reframe our perspectives and change our habits.
Understanding Money Dysmorphia
Knowledge is power, right? To confront money dysmorphia, we first need to understand what distorts our financial reality. What are your true feelings about money? I’m not asking how society views it or how you were raised, but how do you personally feel? What amount would make you feel stable? This self-awareness helps us recognize distorted perceptions and replace them with a more realistic view of our finances.
Social comparisons and external influences can heavily impact our money anxieties and blur our judgment, causing us to feel stuck. As Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, LMSW and Certified Financial Therapist, points out,
“Money dysmorphia can manifest both ways: It can be the person who has lots of money saved but doesn’t believe it’s enough and can’t use it meaningfully, or it can be the person who overspends but doesn’t believe the reality of their financial distress.”
Two Extremes
| Perceived Poverty: Feeling inadequate despite financial stability |
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| Comparison leads to feelings of scarcity |
| Focus on what’s lacking over what’s available |
| Constant worry about finances |
| Overemphasis in saving |
| Fear of financial failure |
| Fear of loss hinders calculated risk-taking |
| Reluctance to spend even when necessary |
| Postponing important expenses |
| Avoiding investments even though they can be afforded |
| Withdrawal from financial conversations due to shame or insecurity |
| Perceived Wealth: Living lavishly while financially unstable |
|---|
| Feeling the need to keep up with wealthier peers |
| Reckless spending on luxury items and experiences |
| FOMO drives social spending despite financial strain |
| Overvaluing image and possessions as signs of success |
| Hiding financial instability behind false affluence |
| Impulsive spending to maintain image |
| Relying on debt for purchases |
| Prioritizing immediate gratification over future savings |
| Seeking of external validation for lifestyle choices |
| Struggles with financial transparency due to fear of losing perceived status |
Rather than moving forward in our financial lives to achieve our own concept of freedom and success, money dysmorphia keeps us trapped in a never-ending loop defined by benchmarks shaped by the pressures of others. Yuck. It’s time to get real with ourselves. We’ve got to stop getting in our own way! By recognizing our comparisons and unrealistic perceptions, we can create a healthier, more authentic relationship with our finances.
Actionable Steps to Change Your Financial Narrative
Slip into the driver’s seat and take control of the wheel! Here’s how to reframe your financial mindset:
Recognize Influence
The way we perceive and handle money is shaped by various aspects of our lives, from our childhood and lived experiences to media influence and social dynamics. This means we often carry unconscious biases about money that don’t necessarily support our unique circumstances or values.
- Reflect on your upbringing:
How did your family manage money when you were growing up? Did they stress saving, spending, or living within their means? Or were you raised in a family that didn’t openly discuss money? Consider the lessons you learned or observed as a child that may be affecting your financial decisions today.
- Pay attention to media messages:
What messages are being conveyed to you in advertising, social media, and the news? Are they pushing you toward unrealistic expectations of success? The next time you encounter advertisements or scroll through social media, take note of how it makes you feel. Do you experience feelings of motivation and positivity, or does it spark resentment? If it brings about negative feelings, consider limiting your media consumption. By being intentional about what you consume, you can cultivate a healthier mindset.
- Make conversation:
Money may not be the most comfortable topic, especially in the context of money dysmorphia. However, opening the door to finance talks can be incredibly helpful. Speak with trusted family and friends about their views on money. Exploring different perspectives can reveal valuable insights into your financial beliefs and behaviors, helping you recognize what resonates with you. It can also provide exposure to new strategies and inspiration for change.
Shift Focus to Personal Values
Now that we’ve identified what’s influencing your perceptions, let’s focus on what genuinely matters to you. Let go of the external pressures that impact your decisions. Instead, ask yourself what actually brings you happiness.
Reflect on the values that guide your personal goals, and consider how to prioritize them in your daily decisions. Is security important to you? What about community, creativity, or freedom? Whatever your core values may be, incorporating them into your financial decisions can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Honestly, it can be tricky to set aside years of learned behavior and comparison, measuring your worth against societal expectations. But it’s necessary to lean into your unique definition of true success. This clarity improves financial health and helps build a stronger sense of contentment unswayed by outside influences.
- Identify joy:
Create a list of things that make you happy. Refocus your spending so that your financial goals align with your list.
- Track your progress:
Set personal benchmarks! At the end of the day, the only comparison that matters is with yourself. Create manageable goals that reflect your true aspirations. Rather than aiming for lofty, generic goals, break them down into manageable, actionable steps, such as saving a certain percentage of your paycheck each month. Make a commitment to tracking progress toward your version of success.
Adopt a Growth Mindset
You might recall what I highlighted in a previous post on emotional intelligence and money, specifically how a resilient mindset can help us view money missteps as opportunities for growth. Everyone makes mistakes! Unfortunately, money dysmorphia can lead us to obsess over our failures or even ignore them entirely, which prevents us from learning and growing. When we learn and grow, we can make much more informed choices in the future.
- View mistakes as learning opportunities:
Confront your mistakes and release the shame and disappointment associated with them. Yes, they can be paralyzing and embarrassing. They can even feel irreparable at times. But you’re not going to be able to pick yourself up until you can face what’s been done. Figure out what went wrong and pivot your strategy.
- Celebrate progress, not perfection:
Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good! Recognize small wins, whether it’s sticking to your budget for a month or successfully meeting a sinking fund goal. Celebrating these victories encourages a positive mindset and motivates you to keep going. Progress is growth!
- Keep learning:
Accept that there’s always room for growth in your financial skills and knowledge. Look for reliable resources to expand your financial literacy, be it through books by credible financial experts, trusted blogs, or even hands-on workshops in your area. The right resources can offer practical tools and guidance to help overcome money dysmorphia.
Practice Gratitude and Contentment
Moving beyond feelings of inadequacy and the need for financial validation means discovering happiness in who you are and what you already have. By practicing gratitude, you shift your mindset from what you lack to what you can celebrate, creating a more fulfilling relationship with your money and possessions. Instead of feeling the pressure to chase after external ideas of success, you’ll find contentment in being present and appreciative of your current circumstances.
- Maintain a gratitude journal:
Digital, pen and paper, whatever your style—keep a dedicated space where you jot down a few things you appreciate about your finances each week. If that’s too much to commit to, then consider a biweekly or monthly check-in.
- Practice mindful spending:
Reduce anxiety-ridden or impulsive purchases by asking whether your purchase truly aligns with your values and contributes to your overall happiness. Practicing mindfulness clarifies and reinforces contentment in your lifestyle.
Build a Supportive Community
Creating a genuine community can make a big difference in how you manage your money. Rather than isolating yourself in your financial struggles, connecting with others can create a safe space to share experiences, find support, and learn from different perspectives.
- Find like-minded individuals:
Check out local meetups, networking events, or online forums with a focus on financial wellness. You don’t have to share the exact same values, but it helps to seek out other people or online communities with similar goals. When you’re connected to others on a similar path, you can easily share encouragement, strategies, and other resources that may have worked for you or them.
- Be open to mentorship:
Reach out to potential mentors who have successfully achieved their financial aspirations. Whether through formal programs or casual networking, having a mentor can offer you plenty of valuable insights and guidance.
- Model judgment-free vulnerability:
Lead by example. Vulnerability can be very scary, but not as scary as living a lie. Money dysmorphia does a lot of damage to the psyche. By openly sharing your financial anxieties, you can create a safe space for others to do the same. Is it comfortable? Heck no! But it could eventually become comfortable, depending on the community you build. Some people might have a difficult time responding at first; they may feel exposed or may not know how to respond. Vulnerability stirs up all kinds of feelings, and that’s okay. It takes time and effort to build trust and community.
Shake Off Money Dysmorphia and Find Freedom
Finding your way out of the illusion that is money dysmorphia requires intentional effort. Remind yourself that you have the power to take charge of your story; your mindset creates your reality. As such, choose freedom and clarity over anxiousness and comparison.
Your financial worth isn’t determined by social media snapshots or societal expectations. “Enough” is subjective, defined by you and your version of success. Get clear on what matters to you and build a road map to achieve it. By prioritizing your personal goals and values, you detach from the unrealistic standards and false narratives of money dysmorphia.
Take small steps to reclaim your freedom. Create manageable goals, celebrate small wins, practice gratitude, and find a supportive community. As you confront distorted perceptions and move forward, remember that this journey is not about perfection; it’s about true fulfillment and freedom.
